Local news for local people in the general locality.


kanyewiThere was confusion and drama at yesterdays Women’s Institute meeting in the Hobbling chambers when “rap” singer Kanye West took the chair to complain about allegedly unfair comparisons between his wife and former chairwoman Betty Sandwiches. Betty, who had been chairwoman of the local branch of the Women’s Institute since former chair Ethel Drainage vanished during a walking holiday in the Peak District in 1997, was being celebrated during a leaving do organized by the WI at the chambers. During a speech by Rev. David Cottage who was praising Betty’s role as a mother, the urban music star interrupted and claimed that while she may have been a good mother it was insulting to he and his family to assume she was in any way a better mother to her children than his wife. He then criticised the local WI for not taking a more pro-active role in promoting black music, specifically singling out Mrs Sandwiches leadership for these alleged failures. He said he hoped that whoever took over the role of WI chairwoman would show more courage. He also suggested Beyonce for the role. Though witnesses claim that she was not reportedly seen in the area.

Attendees were seen to be confused with most not knowing who he was. “I think he’s a celebrity of some kind” said Doris Cheese, though she couldn’t remember if she’s seen him in last years panto or something else.

Hobbling’s resident black lady, Dotty Sleeve, at first though it was her son making a surprise visit, but realised later that she was mistake. “He has the same hair”, she said, “But my boy would never shout at people like that.”

Acting WI chair, Mabel Ene, reportedly told Mr West that he would need to take any grievances up with the local council, at which point he allegedly swore and left in a limo that had been parked outside. The council were unavailable for comment, what with them being on a beano to Scunthorpe all week.